Meh do you have those days when you are so anxious about like EVERYTHING! Because seriously that is my current state and I'm just about to crawl into bed and hibernate for the next week or so. Between trying to secure a home for me next year, studying for my Spanish midterm and accepting a job as a camp counselor I, Erin Langford, am beyond anxious. It is not mixing well in my stomach but I've learned from experience to keep pushing through and to get enthused over the little things. (It seriously helps and keeps me sort of sane) I remember when my mom had passed away school started to make me feel this way. Since I had missed so much school between my mom and a school trip you better believe I had a lot to make up. It was terrifying. The idea of going back to school made me want to hurl but eventually you just have to face your monsters. (Besides I had to graduate...) Don't get me wrong some teachers were really understand and did everything in their power to help me and then there was one teacher who felt like he was doing everything in his power to not help me.
I promise you I'm not being over dramatic, ask anyone about this awful teacher and you will get the same response. He used to drive me nuts!!! I remember when I came back to school he took me aside and told me he "Knew how I felt." Take this in for a minute. A 70 year old man (who had just lost his mother) knows how an 18 year old girl felt? What even. Yet he still never eased up on me (which will always dumbfound me) and I almost didn't pass his dumb class. (That I would like to say I have not and will not ever use in college or my life...so thanks Texas public education!) But for reals I avoided his class like the plague, even when I had come back to school (Slightly embarrassed to admit this) I would skip and hide in the choir room. I did however learn that you can't run from your problem no matter how much they hurt.
To quote Lion King- (Sorry not sorry)
"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. "
Memory #27
As most of ya'll know my mom graduated with an accounting degree and was obviously an accountant (duh), but around my 8th grade year of middle school my mom had decided to pursue a different career. My mom decided to be a math teacher. Which makes me cringe inside but hey, someones gotta do it...right? So my mom's classes and what not usually started while I was in school which basically meant I was on my own getting home from school. Which makes me sound so stinkin spoiled! But at the time that was a big wound, as an angsty middle school girl that meant my mom was ditching me. Not cool. I remember I found this diary post (lol diary) from those days and it makes me laugh at how dramatic I was but I was mainly just sad at the fact that I had to share my mom with other people. That's a hard thing for kids to do.
Once my mom was a teacher she spent long hours after school was over grading papers and what not and I remember being really angry about it for really selfish reasons. "Whose going to ask me how my day was?" "Who am I going to tell about so an so?" Obviously really crucial problems. Once I could drive though I would offer to drive to my mom's school after mine got out so that I could help her with work and I could get in my mommy time. Sometimes I got to see her students and my mom in action. My mom was the kind of teacher you would want your child to have. She loved all of her students and they all loved her. Even the ones with a hard shell my mom took time and energy to get through to them. I remember after my mom died I would go through her stuff and I found this wooden box. On the lid was painted 'Angela's Secret Stuff' and it was filled with all of these random knick knacks and a note. This note was addressed to my mom and I swear I bawled my eyes out. It was really touching and awesome to see my mom through the eyes of a student. I find random stuff like that all of the time now and it is truly awesome to see the lasting impact my mom had on students.
Love Always,
Erin
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