Day 32-One Month Anniversary

Howdy!


         This blog is officially a month old, how precious! They grow up so fast! Well this journey so far has been really incredible. For one it has opened my brain up to recall memories that I hadn't remembered in years. Second of all I hear from all sorts of people now, about their own memories of my mom or just random words of encouragement! For instance I get a lot of "You're so inspiring" which is really really nice but strange. Its strange to hear adults who have experienced life, in all of its twists and turns, to tell me, a twenty something college student, that I'm inspiring. Its weird but its incredibly awesome how much a little thing, like a blog, can impact so many people in such a positive way.

Memory #32

                    So I just got back from a cookie date with my beautiful and awesome cousin (Golly mentioned in two blogs..I must really love you or something Sara) and we were talking about this whole bloggin thing a madoodle. Which I must say is really cool when I talk about it with other people, since they give me a completely different perspective on what exactly I'm doing. In this particular case it made me think about all of the memories I have as a kid that involved her. Which is a lot. I had a super random memory pop into my head though as we were talking over a triple pizookie at BJ'S (Yum). There was one particular summer, when we younger, that my mom and aunt made us do a lot of things together. Random camps and movie dates and all of that jazz. 

       There was one particular camp I remember and it was basically a week long day camp at this arts and crafts place. My mom would drop us off and we would do themed crafts, in case you were wondering I made cat themed crafts every day, and then my mom would pick us up at noon and take us home. There was one day where we didn't go straight home. I remember that me, my brother and my cousin were all begging to get ice cream (Because hello there was an ice cream place in front of the art and craft place!) and I remember my mom caving in and being the cool mom who got us ice cream. I also remember Sara, my cousin, getting a cone (IN THE TEXAS HEAT) and then it melting everywhere in my mom's car. She was so not happy. After that we never went back to that ice cream place (Thanks Sara). Moral of the story, Sara ruins everything (; haha

Love always,

Erin

Day 31- Just Desserts

Howdy!!

         Soooo let me apologize for being dramatic. Ha. Today I've noticed that when I got anxious about one thing I tend to project it on EVERYTHING. Even things I'm not really anxious about but then I say I am to other people and it gets really complicated really fast. Like lately I've been telling people I'm anxious about going to camp. Which I'm not. I'm super excited for it, but I haven't been acting like it and I think that's giving a bad impression to some people. Which is no bueno. Yikes! BUT good news I don't have to retake my Spanish test! That person turned them self in, which is good news for me! I don't want to do that again! Now I just need to focus on where the heck I'm going to be living next year! That's the big thing that's been making me anxious!

     Enough anxiety though! I have a most excellent and jam packed weekend ahead of me! Tonight I'm going with my beautiful future roomies (Froomies) & Current roomies (Croomies?) to Austin to see a show! I'm so pumped! Then Friday I have a cookie date with my beautiful cousin! And lunch with my fantastic grandparents, I will see old and cherished friends and then I'm ending it with paintball with the youth I work with. How awesome! I am so incredibly blessed by the people in my life and this blog has really opened my eyes even more to that notion.

Memory #31

               There was one thing I totally forgot to mention in yesterdays post and I feel like its almost the most important part of that memory! When we were planning out the menu my mom of course went through various sopaipilla recipes and cakes with flan and all sorts of tasty Mexican type of treats (I was in hog heaven). Then out of the blue my mom got on this weird cheesecake train. Not just any cheesecake though, a key lime cheesecake. Yum. There was only one place that she could find that sold said cheesecake. It was this little random bakery called 'Just Desserts'. This place lived up to its name too. It literally only had desserts and by desserts I mean it was just cheesecake. It was beautiful.

       Anyways I remember the day my mom decided to check it out. So we loaded up in the car and drove 40 minutes to this place. I remember walking in with my mom and just being in awe as we gazed down the line of perfectly made cheesecake. (My family has a thing for cheesecake) Originally we were only going to try the key lime cheesecake but we ended up trying a couple A LOT of cheesecake. But to be fair...we would go halvesies on each piece. So it wasn't that bad right? Moral of the story: If you go to a cheesecake place don't expect to only try one piece. It makes me really sad to know that Just Desserts closed recently. I have a lot of fond memories of going there with my mom and brother randomly and grabbing a piece of cheesecake. 

Love always,

Erin

P.S.

Now I really want cheesecake. gosh. 

Day 30-Fiesta Buena

Howdy!

          I have come to terms that when something poopy happens in my life a lot of other poopy things tend to follow suit. Oh my gosh...dramatic but kind of true. Now let me explain its not like everything that happens to me is awful but its usually just a a couple of rather unfortunate events that make me want to bang my head into the wall for a couple of days hours. Like today for example, first I got an email saying that there is a SMALL possibility that someone cheated during my Spanish exam and we might have to retake it (why) and then I got a paper back that I thought I did fantastic on, only to see that I didn't! I guess today hasn't really been that bad but add in all of my anxiety's I've been having lately and it can lead to some really paranoid thoughts. For instance my major is sociology. Lets think about that for a moment. I want to do something that involves helping and caring for children who don't have any one (Or something along those lines). So why can a paper about Robert Browning and his super depressing poems have an affect on whether or not I can achieve that career? This doesn't show that I have potential to work with children! So why can it hurt my chances? But I'm being ridiculous, as my roommates have so eloquently put earlier, it really doesn't. I'm just being a drama queen. What's new? Nothing.

           Even though it pains me to say this my dad always tells me that I can make anything better if I think positive and he is absolutely correct. Your mindset has a lot to do with the outcome. I can look at that bad paper grade and go "Oh well, I tried my hardest and now I need to figure out how to better next time." or you can let yourself fall down a spiral of emotions and decide that everything sucks. My mom always seemed to have the positive mentality that I sometimes lack. I distinctly remember her telling me, when she was diagnosed with cancer both times, that she was going to "Smile and laugh away cancer." Which I find rather unique. Most people are not overjoyed when they are told they have a sickness but my mom chose to look at it in a way that could not only make her a better person but could also make her into a role model for those around her, sick or healthy.What a wonderful world we would live in, if we could see all of the happy things in the midst of sadness.

Memory #30

                

                 A couple posts back I wrote about the pool my parents built, what I failed to mention as well is that they also built a mini house in the backyard. To which we all fondly refer to as 'The Cabana', basically it is a giant party house in my backyard. When it was being built my mom would get randomly excited and start talking about all of the parties we were going to have in it. There was one particular summer (I think it was the summer before my freshman year of High School) where we were going to have at least four distinct and huge celebrations. The first party we were to have was my cousin's wedding shower party but of course it wasn't just a party. Oh no, when my mom did things they turned into these crazy extravagantly detailed fiestas. Which was their party theme. Fiesta. We now have a bin in our attic dedicated to holding sombreros and other oriental trading fiesta themed items.

        To go with this theme we obviously had to have Mexican food right? What kind of civilized person throws a fiesta themed party and doesn't have Mexican food? So for weeks before this party my mom would acquire all of these different recipes and try them out on us. (Which I was totally OK with) She would even learn new techniques like how to make empanadas correctly or how to make Mexican paper flower decorations. Seriously this woman did not cop out EVER. This woman could have seriously created pinterest or inspired it for gosh sakes. I loved the way my mom got purely enthusiastic and overboard on these types of things, it was contagious. I almost always got sucked into helping her and those are obviously times that still make me smile.

Here's a super random picture that I took at said fiesta. It has nothing to do with the memory really (besides that it was taken around the same time) but it kind of makes me laugh and I thought I'd share it with you. 

Have a good day or not the CHOICE IS YOURS!

Love Always,

Erin

P.S.

A big shout out of thanks to those wished me luck on my Spanish exam and for all of the encouragement I receive on a daily basis (: 

Day 29-Yikes

Howdy!

      Well...its late. Whoops. I just got home from my Spanish exam and I'm currently celebrating with a blizzard from Dairy Queen. That's how you get things done. A big weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel good! Still a little anxious about living arrangements and camp but these are mainly good things so I can live with that! Anyways since my brain is utterly exhausted and not being completely coherent I'm going to just cut to the chase and talk about my ma now!

Memory #29

             So today one of my study breaks was to view a house to see if we want to live there or not and it kind of reminded me of all the times that we moved when I was in elementary school (A whole whopping four times ladies & gents) and all of the different houses we had. I remember that two of those houses were rent houses while we were waiting to move into the house we currently live in now. The one thing I remember is that no matter how small and gloomy the house seemed my mom gave it life. She made any house into a home. She always made sure that our rooms were done enough to where we felt like we were home. I might elaborate more on that later but right now this is what I have to share.

Sorry for the lateness and the shortness!

Love always,

Erin 

Day 28-Muy vergüenza

Howdy!

             Yet another gloomy cloudy day here in College Station, it will always perplex me how off and on Texas weather is. This weather though appears to be a fantastic match for the kind of day I've had! First I went to get my spare key programmed for my car and they basically upped the price on me. Not cool. I hate dealerships that think they scan screw you over because you're a clueless girl. Whatever I'll get it done in Austin when my dad's around...Then I came home to let my roomie's puppy out to go potty and I locked myself out...with no shoes, phone or key...So luckily I could walk up to the front and get a spare but still. Then on top of that I'm stressing about living arrangements and my spanish mid term tomorrow. Yikes! I've been studying my butt off for this test!! So I feel like I will do ok but at the same time I'm just not sure what to expect! So be thinking about me tomorrow oh say around...7-8 Pm? That would be grand!

Memory #28

                  When I was in second grade, the elementary school I went to did like 30 minutes of Spanish every week or something to that extent. Usually a parent volunteer would come in and teach us Spanish since we didn't have a designated teacher that did it. I remember that year my mom had decided to be the volunteer teacher. As a clingy second grader I thought this was going to be a pretty sweet deal. My mom drops me off at school and then I see her for an hour after lunch and then get picked up by my mom, excellent! Right? Well all except for when my mom started to teach us what the words for different clothes were in Spanish. Why, you might ask, was this the exception? Oh because my mom brought in all of my baby clothes including underwear...wait pause rewind play. UNDERWEAR! As a second grader that was mortifying. I was so embarrassed, I can laugh about it now, but boy was I not happy. I begged and pleaded with my mom not to bring them to class and she gave me this face that pretty much said, "You're being ridiculous." (I got this face a lot) and brought them to class the next day. Sigh. I'm still pretty traumatized by the whole ordeal. Ha. 

   Also I'd like to say that I think I got sent to the principal's office that day because I tried to steal the underwear and hide it...yeah thanks mom. 

Love Always,

Erin

P.S.

Sorry for the shortness but I'm trying to study as much as I can for this test!

Day 27-School Days

Howdy!

               Meh do you have those days when you are so anxious about like EVERYTHING! Because seriously that is my current state and I'm just about to crawl into bed and hibernate for the next week or so. Between trying to secure a home for me next year, studying for my Spanish midterm and accepting a job as a camp counselor I, Erin Langford, am beyond anxious. It is not mixing well in my stomach but I've learned from experience to keep pushing through and to get enthused over the little things. (It seriously helps and keeps me sort of sane) I remember when my mom had passed away school started to make me feel this way. Since I had missed so much school between my mom and a school trip you better believe I had a lot to make up. It was terrifying. The idea of going back to school made me want to hurl but eventually you just have to face your monsters. (Besides I had to graduate...) Don't get me wrong some teachers were really understand and did everything in their power to help me and then there was one teacher who felt like he was doing everything in his power to not help me.

            I promise you I'm not being over dramatic, ask anyone about this awful teacher and you will get the same response. He used to drive me nuts!!! I remember when I came back to school he took me aside and told me he "Knew how I felt." Take this in for a minute. A 70 year old man (who had just lost his mother) knows how an 18 year old girl felt? What even. Yet he still never eased up on me (which will always dumbfound me) and I almost didn't pass his dumb class. (That I would like to say I have not and will not ever use in college or my life...so thanks Texas public education!) But for reals I avoided his class like the plague, even when I had come back to school (Slightly embarrassed to admit this) I would skip and hide in the choir room. I did however learn that you can't run from your problem no matter how much they hurt.

  To quote Lion King- (Sorry not sorry)

    "Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. "

Memory #27

                As most of ya'll know my mom graduated with an accounting degree and was obviously an accountant (duh), but around my 8th grade year of middle school my mom had decided to pursue a different career. My mom decided to be a math teacher. Which makes me cringe inside but hey, someones gotta do it...right? So my mom's classes and what not usually started while I was in school which basically meant I was on my own getting home from school. Which makes me sound so stinkin spoiled! But at the time that was a big wound, as an angsty middle school girl that meant my mom was ditching me. Not cool. I remember I found this diary post (lol diary) from those days and it makes me laugh at how dramatic I was but I was mainly just sad at the fact that I had to share my mom with other people. That's a hard thing for kids to do. 

           Once my mom was a teacher she spent long hours after school was over grading papers and what not and I remember being really angry about it for really selfish reasons. "Whose going to ask me how my day was?" "Who am I going to tell about so an so?" Obviously really crucial problems. Once I could drive though I would offer to drive to my mom's school after mine got out so that I could help her with work and I could get in my mommy time. Sometimes I got to see her students and my mom in action. My mom was the kind of teacher you would want your child to have. She loved all of her students and they all loved her. Even the ones with a hard shell my mom took time and energy to get through to them. I remember after my mom died I would go through her stuff and I found this wooden box. On the lid was painted 'Angela's Secret Stuff' and it was filled with all of these random knick knacks and a note. This note was addressed to my mom and I swear I bawled my eyes out. It was really touching and awesome to see my mom through the eyes of a student. I find random stuff like that all of the time now and it is truly awesome to see the lasting impact my mom had on students.

Love Always,

Erin                     

Day 26-Castles

Howdy!

       I hope you're having a marvelous Saturday! How can you not? It's beautiful outside! At least in College Station. Have you noticed I talk about the weather a lot? I guess I feel the need to begin with small talk but we're like best friends right? So I suppose we can skip that junk (But for real I'm kind of obsessed with this weather!) Today was a day of a couple different firsts for me. For the first time I studied at a coffee shop, which was pretty thrilling and I got a lot done (Yay me!) and I went house hunting. AH! That was scary. The house my friends and I are interested in are currently owned by a gross men. When we went to go view it was so gross (Not the house but the house decor/cleanliness). Guess what was on the floor of every room...wait for it...UNDERWEAR USED FLIPPIN UNDERWEAR! Who does that? If the Realtor tells you that people are coming by to look at your house I don't know maybe move your dirty laundry away from sight? Just a thought. But now I'm anxious about getting this house. Sigh groan. Oh well not much I can do right now. Especially since I need to focus on studying for my Spanish midterm on Tueday! Yikes. Anyways enough of my complaining...onward to the memories...

Memory #26

        So in honor of my first time ever house hunting I thought I'd share a house viewing memory from when I was fairly young. I remember when I was about 5 or 6 (I think) my parents used to like to walk around the neighborhood and if there was a house being built we always looked inside it. There was one particular house that my brother and I adored (And I guess my parents liked too). We referred to is as the 'Castle House'. Because it was ginormous and looked kind of like a fancy castle. We were kind of obsessed with it. Everyday when my mom would drive me back home from daycare I'd go, "Mommy drive by the castle house!" and she almost always drove me slowly in front of the castle house and I remember very distinctly making up stories about the royals who would be living there. Since I was like 5ish they were really random and probably really dumb but I remember my mom would be laughing right along with me. 

         I also remember walking around the house and pretending that we lived there. This is where my mom informed me that the rooms with the biggest closets were for the women. I seriously thought this was a rule until like 4 or 5 years ago. Not even kidding. So we would always scour the house looking for the biggest closet. The first biggest one went to the queen (my mom) obviously and the second biggest was for the princess (Me) obviously. Those were the rules and we'd talk about the fancy parties we would have once our castle was done and which handsome princes would be allowed in our presence. Those are some of the best memories I have from my childhood. 

Moral of the story, moms-Encourage imagination and have weird conversations. Your children will be awesome.

Love Always,

Erin 

         

Day 25-KUMBAYA

Howdy!

         Soooo big news in my world! Drum roll please.....(Thank you to those who did so) I'm going to camp this summer! I got a call yesterday from Camp Cho-Yeh in Livingston, Texas and they offered me a position! Ah! I'm really anxious and nervous and excited (This is just a sample of what's going on in my mind...and stomach...) but really really above all I'm so very pumped! It's just crazy though, if you had ask me in High School if I was going to be a counselor; I probably would've said no. I suppose I wouldn't have guessed though that I'd be a youth counselor or that my best friend would plant the 'camp seed' in my head and that I'd meet someone else who basically just push me (Nicely but forcefully) into a camp interview. It's really crazy how things like this happen. Lately I've been telling people that I've never been to camp. Which I just realized is kind of untrue.

          When I was in Girl Scouts we went to a kind of camp and did random sort of camp things...more like making friendship bracelets and singing songs...about friendship. Yup things got pretty crazy on the girl scout front. I remember enjoying the cabins though and feeling like you were away from everything. I like the quiet mornings and nights. I remember the other girls HATING camp though. All of them. After that one camp experience my troop never went to a camp ever again. Which was really unfortunate. So instead we did the lamest mock camp thing ever.

Memory #25

                    So since all of my troop detested camping with every fiber in their body our troop leaders, which included my mom, decided on a mock camp. Which was basically a sleepover...at one of the girl's super fancy smancy house and hanging out outside until like it got dark...because who even does that? (Totally just kidding but I have to set the mood). We did this a couple of years in a row. While it was fun it was definitely not camp. We swam all day in their fancy pool and came in inside when we were hungry. The only thing 'outdoorsy' thing we accomplished was going on this long but beautiful hike behind this girl's house.

            I remember on one particular 'camp sleep over' I was really mad at my best friend in the troop and we were not on speaking terms for most of the night. I have no recollection on why I was mad I just remember I was infuriated with her very presence and did not want to be around her. Which is really unfortunate because then everyone else kind of just hangs out with that person anyways and you're stuck looking incredibly childish and alone. This is going to sound so lame (And I don't care) but as long as my mom was there I was never really alone. My mom was my best friend. Period. So when we started going on our annual nature hike, we drifted towards the back of the pack and leisurely strolled taking in our surroundings. Like usual we were goofy and happy, she would make me forget about how angsty and mad I was at my friend so by the time we had made it to the lake she had somehow magically made me let go of the bitterness so that I would go and join my friends. I wish I had the picture of my girl scout troop here when we finally made it to the lake. (I look AWESOME in it...yikes) I don't remember a lot about that night but I remember it ending fun and enjoyable. All thanks to my mom. 

Love Always,

Erin

           

Day 24-Cat Fever

Howdy!

            The weather is starting to be really nice! Now if the sun would just come out and stay out, I would almost say the weather is perfect! I just want to sit outside all day...these are the moments where I wish I had some chairs on our patio...or hooks so I could hang my hammock instead of sitting on my butt on my patio(Which I'm currently doing)...Sigh oh well maybe next year! So I guess it's National Love your Pet Day....I mean I don't know why we feel the need to have a day to remind us to adore the already loved animals in our life. Who comes up with these holidays anyways? But in honor of this oddly specific and slightly unnecessary holiday I thought I would talk about how we acquired my super angsty but lovable cat, Walter! (Who was named by my mom)

                                                                           Memory #24

                  So if you have ever had a long conversation with me you will eventually realize that I have a weird attachment to cats. Don't get me wrong I also love dogs, like my dog is basically my baby but cats just have a funny spot in my heart. Can't explain it they just do. When I was in high school our cat, Clyde ran away to most likely die (depressing I know...sorry!) so we were catless for probably a year and a half and boy did I have cat fever BAD! You know how most girls my age sometimes have 'baby fever' because they want a baby? Well I have cat fever. Anyways I would bring it up all the time and coincidentally I would also always get shot down as well. It was primarily my dad saying no to getting a cat (Boo) and my mom never really said anything so I had always assumed she was against it too. 

           One fateful day though...my dad made my mom a little cranky. Long story short a bunch of people were coming over to stay at my house and my dad had forgotten to remind my mom so our house was a complete disaster! You better believe she was unhappy about it. So at one point my mom and I were talking about it and I randomly blurted out, "We should get a cat to get back at Dad." and to my complete surprise my mom went , "Yes." and then she pinky promised me. Next thing I know my mom and I are going to the pound and looking at cats. That was a really fun day. I remember looking at the crate of kittens and decided which one we would play with first. We both decided on a gray tabby cat and took him to play and I guess along the way we decided he was the one.(Look at how adorbs he is)

             Then my dad came home and he kind of just accepted it. Memories like these are the ones that remind me of how many roles my mom played in my life. She was my mom, she was my friend, my therapist, advice giver and most importantly my partner in crime. 

Love Always,

Erin

Day 23- My Refuge

Howdy!

          I will give you a fair warning- this might not be a good blog post to read if you don't want to tear up because I imagine this post will be emotional for me to write. Last night I attended Breakaway. What's Breakaway you ask? Breakaway is a ministry that holds a weekly sermon and worship on Texas A&M's campus. If you ever have the chance to go I would highly recommend it! Last night sermon really impacted me last night and I'd like to share my thoughts. The talk was about finding refuge. Or what things we tend to make our refuge. For girls who don't have a strong father in their life, their refuge might be in other men who can give them instant yet non lasting satisfaction. Or we can find refuge in our beauty and other temporary pleasures that can't promise eternal satisfaction. There are even things we can find refuge in, that even though these things are not sinful, that still can't promise you eternal security and satisfaction for your soul.

         I realized last night, while listening to this sermon, that my refuge for almost my entire life was my mom. I was so incredibly dependent on her.If I had a problem in my life I ran to my mom, even to this day when something crappy happens I always catch myself thinking, "I wish I could call my mom right now." I'm not saying this is a bad thing. Mothers are excellent, they have advice and knowledge and never ending love for you as her child! A thing I've had to realize though is that while my mom could promise me a safe life and satisfaction while she was here, she could not promise me (Like every other mortal on this planet) that she would never die. No one can do that. Except God, our heavenly father. If you want something to read, go read Psalm 116. The Lord tells us, no scratch that he PROMISES us that even when we don't feel secure, we are. When we don't feel joy in our souls there is a promise of eternal happiness when we are called to his kingdom. That is the most fantastic news I could ever hope to hear.
God is good.

Memory #23

                   When I start to dwell on memories on my mom I sometimes find really weird but awesome...occurrences (For lack of a better word). A couple posts back I talked about my acceptance to Texas A&M and how it was almost like my mom had prepared me for a moment in which she knew she wouldn't be there. Almost as if we were characters in a book and if the reader was looking close enough she would see obvious signs of foreshadowing to come. Does that make sense? I really hope it does because that's the best I can describe these cool little moments I endure sometimes. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer for the second time there used to be this song that she absolutely adored. The only reason I know it today was because of her. It was her song. Her anthem. Her theme music for when she battled cancer. I think you should listen to it before I continue.

            Every time, without fail, her mood was instantly lifted by this song when she hadn't heard it in awhile she would get upset at the station for not playing her song. While I liked it, it didn't have the same effect on me when I heard it. My mom told me she felt like it was a message from God and it gave her hope. After my mom passed away, I heard this song on the radio. You think I would've been upset. Here was the song that my mom thought was a message from God and now she wasn't here. She wasn't here to tell of her strength and how she had prevailed over cancer once again, she was gone. But I didn't change the station, I sat and I listened. Maybe God did send this to my mom, but maybe he sent it to her so that I could hear it. So that I could be comforted. To find refuge from the internal storm I was facing in him. When I need comforting this is the song I go to. Death does not have the last word. My mom did rise out of the ashes and straight into Gods arms where I know she found eternal satisfaction and refuge from the pain and sorrows of this world. And one day I will be reunited with not only her but with my heavenly father and that is again something truly to rejoice in. 

Love Always,

Erin

Day 22-We Watched A Lot of TV

Howdy!!

         This post is coming to you a little bit later than they usually do because I just got home from my crazy antics of being a college student! Wooo! But luckily for me I have the freedom to post these blogs whenever I so choose. So far I really enjoy blogging every day, it keeps me in a fairly positive mindset and for that I'm truly thankful. Well I don't have too much more to talk about, currently...Which is strange I usually talk to much but recently my writing strength is not up to par I suppose. I'm not even quite sure if people even enjoy reading this little blurb before my memory! Agh! Oh well, hopefully I can overcome my writer's block soon!

Memory #22

            When my mom was diagnosed with cancer she obviously had to start doing things like chemotherapy and radiation and whatever other chemical type treatment they suggested. When my mom started she was incredibly fortunate to have a support group (consisting of my aunt, my grandparents, my dad, etc.) that accompanied her to almost all of her sessions. Since I was in school, when my mom first got diagnosed, I couldn't accompany my mom during the week. I remember she would usually text me during her sessions out of boredom, at least until she fell asleep (since chemotherapy tends to make you drowsy). The best times were when my mom's session were either on a weekend or when it finally became summer. Those sessions I would usually drive my mom to the hospital to her appointment. 

            I remember we would walk into the hospital and take the elevator to the third floor, trying our best not to weird out the people who were fortunate enough to be jammed into an elevator with us. I remember always feeling antsy while waiting for the oncologist to call us back and then when they hooked the machine up to my mom to start treatment. The chemotherapy room was this long narrow room with these recliner type chairs with an attached TV, very chair had the ability to become private with a curtain. I remember it always being peculiarly quiet minus the mumbling between other patients and their loved ones, which drove my mom nutso. Which is why I think she enjoyed me coming along for the ride. Usually when we went I would pull up one of the really uncomfortable wait room chairs real close to her recliner and we would watch TV together. First we'd watch some Spanish soap opera and act real goofy, like making up our scripts to what they were saying (We're real funny) then maybe we'd find our way to the cooking channel and over critique everyone on the show pretending to be accomplished chefs, and then finally we'd end up watching HGTV until my mom would drift off. 

           These moments were some of the most comforting yet terrifying moments I've ever experienced so far. On one hand these are memories of watching television and being goofy with my mom, which is always a favorite of mine, and there was still a sense of normalcy but on the other these were also moments where my mom was completely vulnerable and sometimes even weak. As children we look to our parents as these models of strength and protection, when we are afraid our parents become our heroes. I think that's what makes life so excruciatingly hard sometimes, when our parents show signs of weakness who do we look to for strength? Maybe that's over dramatic but this was something I struggled with. 

      The point of this memory is to say that even though these hospital trips should have been something that we all tried to avoid my mom made them into something special that I can still smile at. Because like I've said before, and will keep on saying, my mom had a real knack at making anything special. 

Love always,

Erin

Day 21-Sunshine

Howdy!

           Happy adequate Monday? Ugh. Can that just be the descriptor of Mondays? I just always feel super tired and not focused during classes. Good news is that I can hopefully get a replacement key by this Wednesday at least. Which is good since I feel like a bum asking people for rides places...but again when these kind of sucky things happen its a really good reminder about how awesome the people in my life are. So thanks friends for driving me and thanks dad (again) for getting the ball rolling on getting me a replacement key...

Memory #21

           Since I've talked about things/habits that my mom did while I was growing up I figured I would continue on with this little trend, especially because these can sometimes be the things that you have to sit down and search in every nook and cranny of your brain to recall them. And additionally they are almost always the things that make me smile. Think to yourself now. What song makes you think of your parents? Maybe its something they sang to you often, maybe its a song that came on a lot while with them, or maybe its a song whose contents remind you of your parents. For instance when I was born into this world my parents first played for me the Aggie War hymn (Which is a really awesome story to tell now) and then my dad played "What a Wonderful World" and no matter what every time I hear it I think about my dad.

             I don't really remember my mom singing this song to me a lot, I do have faint memories of her singing it to me when I was in kindergarten. What song you ask? You are my Sunshine. While she didn't always sing it to me I have countless notes that quote this song. I didn't realize how much of an impact this song had on me until I watched this commercial AND BAWLED MY EYES OUT.

CLICK ME

I weirdly could not find this video on YouTube...so that will have to do. I saw this commercial for the first time last year (I think) and on the spot cried. That's right folks a Tylenol commercial made me cry. Not even embarrassed...(Maybe just a tad). The song still makes me sad/happy...that's an emotion...right? It is now! 

Love Always,

Erin

Day 20-It was Fun Fun Fun in the Sun

   Howdy!

            So bad news for this girl, there is a chance that I may or may not have lost my car keys! ): I didn't notice at all until last night but I think I might have lost them Friday, ugh! I just can not catch a break? Luckily if I can't find them my dad can send me the spare key. I have never lost a thing that was so detrimental to my life! Luckily I have fantastic roomies and friends that I can hitch rides from....Besides that little mishap it was a really awesome jam packed weekend! Yesterday was so incredibly beautiful! I wanted nothing more than to hook up my hammock on my porch and just sit out there all day. Unfortunately I couldn't Macgyver a strategy to hang it up without harming myself. So instead my roommates watched me attempt to put it up (Making fun of me the whole time) and then when I gave up we ended up all just hanging out on the porch taking in the pleasant breeze. Gah! It was really pretty yesterday, truly!

Memory #20

                I was in the eighth grade when my parents decided to put a pool in our backyard. Which kind of made me a big deal (Totally kidding...) but to all of my friends it was pretty exciting. Plans were already being made for the coming summer to like come and like tan all day (That's how middle schoolers talk right?)  even though it would be months until it was finished but I suppose there is always something so thrilling and exciting about the thought of pool days in the summer, especially if you're stuck in one of  those gosh awful cold and gloomy December days. Anyways what I always find funny about all of that is that when the pool was finally done and it was finally summer, I didn't have a lot of pool parties or friends come over to spend hours lazily around the pool. Usually it was just Sam, my mom and me. Or Sam's friends all being loud and crazy in the pool while mom and I shook our heads from the comfort of the indoors. 

          I believe it was primarily in the summer before my senior year of high school when my mom and I started to spend days in and out around the pool. I remember Sambo would be playing basketball in the pool and I remember my mom laying out by the edge of the pool on a recliner. And I remember eventually bringing a towel to put right next to her chair so that I could lay out and be around my mom. Those days were some of the best, my mom would have the Slurpee machine going and the outside speakers playing whatever hip music in the background, and I remember not being anxious or feeling plagued with scary thoughts. I remember peace. Days like those were the last couple of days before my mom was re diagnosed with cancer and the last days I would feel completely at ease. On these summer days I remember having deep conversations about life that would make me feel inspired or having really random silly conversations that would make me laugh till my gut hurt or sometimes we would lay in mutual comfort silence and take in  all of the buzzing life happening around us but felt so far away. 

      I guess its the little things, right?

    Love always,

            Erin

P.S.

If you find Volkswagen keys laying around let me know (; Ha

Day 19-Silver Wings

   Howdy!

          So I survived my first ever Rocky Horror Picture Show! It was quite the doozy...but still it was pretty fun! Here's my Valentine and I being RHPS virgins....We're pretty cute.

           Valentine's Day is always fun I suppose, especially since one of my most beautiful friends is a Valentine's Day baby (which I should've mentioned yesterday but....I do what I want here...) So happy birthday again, Bailey Rae! I'm still slightly recovering from last nights crazy antics so I apologize for the scatterness of my thinking/writing (I'll probably edit this one later...maybe...probably not, this is real life)

           Something totally random just popped into my head and I'm going to write about it now...The other day while I was passing out Valentines my roomie (as pictured above) and I bumped into an old friend from our first semester at A&M. The last time I had bumped into her she had told me that her mom had been diagnosed with cancer so naturally I asked her how her mom was doing. It broke my heart as she told me her mom had passed away and that Valentine's day was her birthday. I can't tell if people take comfort in knowing that they aren't alone in the circumstances they've faced. For me it is. I love being around people who get it. The people that will understand immediately why your mom's birthday can be a really sucky day or that even after 2 or 50 years later it still hurts. My heart hurts for her and I guess the only thing I can really do is be there for her through prayers and thoughts. Just a random side note, now I'll get on with my memory for the day!

Memory #19

           One fine and lovely Saturday morning at my house, my brother and dad were away on some masculine endeavor. Which meant we had full reign of the house to do whatever we wanted, which also meant that we were just going to hang out in my mom's bed, watch movies and eat...duh. This particular Saturday we ended up watching the movie Country Strong (if you aren't sure what this is google it real quick, it wasn't a really popular movie but we loved it). We really enjoyed it mainly because of this hunk...

Don't judge us. He was a cutie pie throughout the whole movie and we adored him. Anyways there is a lot of country singin' in this movie because...its about country singers...shocker I know. We immediately fell in love with the soundtrack. As I might have said before when my mom got excited about something she went all out immediately and then kind of got bored with it. For this instance my mom bought the entire soundtrack and made a playlist on her iPhone with these songs. 

       It was probably a couple of weekends later when we were driving in her car and all of a sudden this song came on from the movie.

     

           And almost naturally we split off into different parts. I sang the main part and my mom matched it with a high harmony that was really pretty together. It kind of became the one song we would put on if we were feeling like dueting. I don't know how to explain how I felt when we sang together but it's something that I miss and will always hold close to my heart. The lyrics definitely have more of a meaning to me.

"Don't leave me," I cry

Don't take that airplane ride

But you locked me out of your mind

Left me standing here behind

Silver wings shining in the sunlight

Roaring engines headed somewhere in flight

They're taking you away, leaving me lonely

Silver wings slowly fading out of sight"

Love Always,

Erin

       

Day 18- Sammiches and Love Notes

Howdy!

      Happy Valentines Day!! I hope that you are having an excellent day and feeling the love from your own loved ones! This particular Valentines Day, since I am awesomely single, my lovely roomie Shannon and I (with assistance from Captain-As pictured below) passed out Valentines to random strangers on A&M's campus!

         How cute is he?!!? Answer: Really really cute! Anyways we just got back from handing out candy and valentines around campus and its always really funny to see people's different reactions. You get the really happy people and the weirded out people. So that was a blast and then later tonight we're actually going to see Rocky Horror Picture Show together in down town  Bryan tonight! So that will be a blast since I've never done that before! So single people...don't act mopey do fun things!!! Woo!

Memory #18

           So when I was in elementary school I moved from three different houses and into four different schools, and as a result of that I was fairly weary about going to school. Going to a new school on the first day, especially as a kid, is terrifying! What if I don't find friends? What if my teacher is from the Black Lagoon?! To help ease me into school my mom started making me "special lunches" everyday. These special lunches included a hand written note from my mom and a PB&J sandwich that she would cut into different shapes. On normal days they would be in the shape of a cat or a flower. For Valentines day it was always a PB&J sandwich cut into a heart. Christmas time it would be a Christmas tree sandwich. Halloween? Pumpkin..Duh. She would buy all of these different cookie cutters just so that I'd have a fun sandwich every day. 

         The notes my mom wrote me were always filled with love and got me through those tough first days of not knowing anyone or when I was having a bad day or even when I was having a good day. There was nothing more exciting for me than to open my lunchbox everyday and that, my friends, is what made school bearable for me. Nothing made me feel more special or important than the lunches my mom made for me. I know that moms are supposed to be the ones that make you feel special and what not, but my mom always went above and beyond to make sure that I would feel loved. 

       I now have the urge to make a heart shaped PB&J sandwich...I know for me that this will be something I continue if I am blessed to have my own family. They will all have cut out sandwiches and a love not all inspired from my loving mother!

 HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

Love always,

Erin

Day 17-WAKEY WAKEY WAKEY

Howdy!

         So in case you were wondering A&M still has me listed as a former student! Woo...its been three days now buuuuut on the bright side I'm officially enrolled back in all of my classes...soo I guess there's that! Even better news one of the most lovely people I have ever been blessed to meet announced that she was pregnant yesterday! AHH! AHH! AHH! So if you're reading this Jess...AH AH AH! So excited for you and Ben!!! Your baby has the most excellent parents EVER and lordy will it be loved and cherished!

       Last year around on the anniversary of my mom's passing my grandmother sent me this beautiful willow angel
and it was called "The Quilt". Why she sent this to me was because my mother and I shared many a snuggle under a specific quilt. She also gave me a thank you card that my mom had written to my grandma after the baby shower for me. And truly it was a wonderful card, the love of a mother is truly beautiful. Even before I was born the love my mom showed for me was evident and incredible. So I have no doubt that you, Jess, will be a stunning and perfect example of a loving mother and I can NOT wait to witness it all!  (Sorry for the cheese but my heart is overjoyed, truly!)

Memory #17

             I think if you asked anyone if there was something that their parents always did to you while growing up you would get a very unique array of answers. I mean sometimes they're little quirks that their parents did to them but perhaps altered just slightly. Maybe it was the way they wake you up or how they cooked grilled cheeses into shapes or had a specific song that they sang/quoted to you a lot. Those are the things I think we cherish the most, they are the things that even when we are mad it somehow makes us smile. Sometimes we don't really comprehend how much we adored those little quirks and songs until that person is gone. 

         When Sambo and I were younger my mom would come into our rooms and sit on the edge of our beds when it was time for us to get up. The first thing she would do is say, "Erin? Are you awake?" Which usually I was but I would squeeze my eyes shut and pretend like I was snoring (since you know I'm a fantastic actor). Then after a couple of seconds my mom would start poking me starting from my toes all the way to my head while singing, "Wakey Wakey Wakey...No more sleepy sleepy." Over and over again until you laughed or smiled and had to get up. I wish I could find a way to record this song just so you can get the entire picture but alas I'm not tech savvy! It was a tad bit annoying but no matter what it always got us up out of bed. If I overslept my alarm clock in middle school (Sometimes even high school) my mom would still wake me up that way. 

      No matter what age I was, I was never to mature or too cool for the effects of the Wakey song.

Love Always,

Erin

Day 16-Whistle a Happy Tune

Howdy!

         Can I vent today? Trick question! I can do whatever I want...ha! Totally just kidding but yesterday I was on my college website when all of a sudden it told me that because I hadn't paid for my classes by a certain day THEY DROPPED ALL OF MY CLASSES!!!! Take this in for a moment...WHAT!! So what happened was that they told me my original date to pay was the 21st...not the 10th but they dropped me! You better believe that I was hyperventilating! It is terrifying to think that something like this can affect your future! Luckily I (think) fixed everything and I will be filing a complaint (the nerve of those people...)! Also I was reminded of how wonderful of a dad I have. He talked me off the ledge and tried to help out as best as he could...and then of course started looking at pictures I was tagged in and told me which boys he thought I should date based on height...Thanks dad...love you!

       Parents are awesome...even when they aren't! I have been very fortunate, so if you're reading this dad- Thank you for everything and I love you! Lots. Even when you do dumb things (Like leaving me and mom in the pouring rain at Reed).

Memory #16

         In honor of my dad I thought I'd share a short memory of something my mom once told me and what I think about it now. When I was at the prime age of 15-16, when I thought it was high time to acquire a boyfriend, my mom used to tell me stories of her dating in high school. What her first kiss was like, why she broke up with that boyfriend, or why that boyfriend dumped her but good riddance to that one anyways! One of the things that always stuck out to me (for obvious reasons) is the reason to why she ended up with my dad. "He was the first man that did everything in his power to laugh, and never made me cry." I think that is really awesome and fairly reflective on how I view my dad (for the most part haha). 

         Another thing I have thought over the years is that sometimes the things that our dads do can drive us nuts but years later you might realize it really doesn't because your husband might do the same exact thing. I don't know if I can make that any clearer (it is rather a confusing concept) but my mom used to tell me that she would get super embarrassed when her father would walk around humming/whistling/singing as he walked around. Like she was mortified when he did it around her friends. Well guess what folks? My dad is constantly whistling. Like constantly! I guess appreciate the little things, right? 

Just a short little memory that makes me smile!

Love always,

Erin

Day 15- Walk & Talk

Howdy!

             As of today all of my family is back home safely in Texas! Whew...it was kind of a weird feeling with my Dad all the way in Montana and Sambo in New York. It was real weird...but alas everyone has returned and all is well in the world. Except for this weather. Have a mentioned how much I hate the cold? I think what I really hate is wind, I really hate cold wind. It is truly the worst. So stay bundled and away from the wind my friends!

   As a college student I walk...EVERYWHERE. Ok well not everywhere but I take the bus to campus and from there I walk to all my classes and in Texas there are very few days where the weather is great to walk in. It is either freezing or burning hot. Oh Texas, where art thou spring weather? I do enjoy walking though. Especially when I'm alone, its nice to be alone with your thoughts that's where I do most of my talking to my mom nowadays.

           Memory #15

    

       I remember the first house I ever lived in. The house that my brother and I were born into, the house with my playground in the backyard with the slide where I broke my arm. Where I stomped around in my tap shoes with my cousin and most importantly the home I came back to after school for two years. My house was pretty close to the elementary school I attended and yet my mom picked me and dropped me off at school every day (Actually I think my dad took me to school....Not completely sure). Everyday though, on my way to school, I would glance out and see all the 'cool' kids walking. 

          I longed so much to be like those kids, wouldn't I be so much cooler if I could walk to and from school? I remember bringing it up to my mom one day after school and I distinctly remember not getting the answer I wanted. So another year went by and I was stuck being chauffeured by my parents. Oh woe is me! (I so wouldn't mind getting rides to and from class now haha!) I think sometime during first grade my mom finally caved just a tiny bit. I couldn't walk to school but now after school I could walk to the park (which was a little ways from the school) and then my mom would meet me there and walk all the way back home with me. I was ecstatic. I remember feeling like such a big kid. Even though I had to walk most of the way with my mom, I felt like a cool kid. 

         I remember loving those walks, they were kind of like a nice relaxed mommy & me time. If I had access to my photo boxes from home I would totally include some cute pictures of my mom and I from when I younger but alas I won't be going home until the end of February! I promise there will be more pictures soon!

Love always,

Erin

Day 14-Population Me

   Howdy!

             Who's sick of this gloomy depressing weather? Because this girl is, I'm ready for summer...I think. I've pretty much decided that I'm doing camp this summer but I'm still pretty stumped about which camp I want to do...there's a lot of choices out there, yeesh hopefully I'll be able to make the right choice for me!

Memory #14

           On another note today after class I went grocery shopping but instead of going to HEB I went to a locally owned primarily organic store because...why not? It was pretty nice since there was almost no one there. Seriously no one except some elderly folk, no bumping into people and no lines. It was fantastic. Anyways it kind of reminded me of when my mom got into a big health kick. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer she got more into researching what she was buying. A lot of what I know today about organic, GMO foods...etc. come from my mom.
     
        She would drive out 30 minutes to go to the Whole Foods in Austin just so that she had more organic options to buy. She tried a lot of different types of nutritional approaches to fighting cancer now she didn't always follow through all the time but its kind of hard to stay completely organic when your kids and husband want to go down the street to get a hamburger. For the lifestyle my family had evolved into it was difficult and that will always be one of my biggest regrets that I didn't do more to help her stay on track.
 
         One of things that my mom bought while on this health kick was a fancy smancy juicer. It was awesome! Whatever fruit we had on hand she would just stick into it and out would come this frothy yummy juice that was apparently good for you. My favorite ever was when she would make apple juice, which was a lot since she knew I was sort of kind of obsessed. Seriously the best stuff ever. I always find it strange how sometimes people get on this health kick and then it kind of just fades out.

       My message to you is to do some research. Find out what exactly you're putting into your body and find easier alternative ways (Even if they're small) to be healthier, not only for yourself but for your family.


Love Always,
Erin

Day 13-Writer's Block

Howdy!

      I warn you in advance, I am having some extremely serious writer's block. I have seriously rewritten and stared at the first sentence for just about an hour. The one thing I always worry about when it comes to this blog is that I will start to feel pressure. I want this blog to be something I enjoy doing. I don't want to wait till the last second and be like, "Crap, I forgot to write my blog post." It hasn't gotten to that point yet, but my fear is that it will. I also don't want to feel pressured about what I write or how well written it is, I guess that worrying is all on my own terms. Because people have only spoken very kind words to me when it comes to his journey I'm partaking in.

Memory #13

        Recently I have been on this giant tea kick, along with a couple of my other friends. It might be because I've been a little congested so tea and honey just sounds really good all of the time. I was never really into tea until my freshman year of high school when my mom introduced it to me. First with iced tea, but only sweet tea for this girl. Seriously if I could live off just sweet tea (and you know, not get diabetes or fat) I totally would.
   
        Of course sweet tea is not the only type of tea out there...duh. My mom and I would get on random kicks on different teas. We had a phase where we bought a box of chai tea just about once a week. Then we went through a hot tea phase where we went through several different types of tea. The one I remember that we fixated on the most was peppermint tea. I think we both had some sort of unspoken agreement that the peppermint tea had the best affect. As if it just fixed everything. Had a rough day? Peppermint tea. Just came back from chemo? Peppermint tea. Had a pretty rockin day? Peppermint tea. Seriously it was always the answer. I know for me I would just have a random impulse to make a cup for my mom, if I felt like she needed it. Sometimes I would come home after school or work and there would be a cup of peppermint tea waiting for me.
     
          There is always something really comforting about a warm cup of tea. To this day when I need a pick me up I go straight to making a cup of peppermint tea. It is always the answer to dealing with any problem. Also a good cup of peppermint tea brings me back to memories of talking to my mom. Along with that cup of tea would come conversation and an exchange of wisdom. I guess sometimes when I do resort to making a cup of tea a part of me hopes that I can still talk with my mom, even if she isn't physically present. I know she is always spiritually present in my heart.

    Love always,
Erin

Day 12-Breast Friends

    Howdy!

             I don't know if you've noticed but 5ks have become extremely popular as of late. Maybe that's just because I live in a college town but I see advertisements for all sorts of races. Ones where they throw color dye at you, ones where you trudge through mud, ones where you wear glow in the dark at night; seriously, where do they come up with these things? I'm not going to lie I have thought about signing up for these fun runs...until I see the prices. If you sign up almost a year in advance you can possibly get it at the early bird price of 20 bucks but any later the price jumps up to 60 bucks. That's SIXTY DOLLARS, for what? So that people can throw dye at me? Where does all this profit go to though? This is the question I've had as late, so I did some research. None of these fun runs, that today's college kids are obsessed with, give to anything. What I mean by that is that when you pay 60 dollars it is going straight to these fun run organizations. If that's what you want to do, do it! I am not judging at all. They all look like a lot of fun. But what happened to doing runs that benefited society? Why aren't those advertise anymore?
 
          My roommate and I started to look into those kinds of runs (Which are really hard to find now a days). In my super close friend group three out of five have lost a parent due to some medical ailment. So we started looking for runs that benefit that. Things that mean something to me and help other people and guess what? WE CAN HAVE FUN WHILE DOING THIS TOO! So what did we find? Relay for Life...Duh. So I started a team and I'm going to start fundraising to help stand up against cancer. That my friends is what is important to me.

So that being said, if you want to donate to my Relay for Life team- The Breast Friends (Classic),
Just go to the Relayforlife.org and scroll down to find Participant- type in Erin Langford (Duh) and I should be the only one who shows up! Thank you!

Memory #12

             Back in Cedar Park there is a little burger joint that is owned by one of my own lovely friends parents. This place is frequently visited by my family...like a lot. Its kind of sad sometimes. Whenever people come travel to our house and we need somewhere to go eat we almost always end up going there. Everyone in my family has their specific burger that they get every time we go. At the time my brother and dad would just get a plain cheeseburger with bacon, my mom would get the western burger. Which is a cheeseburger with barbecue sauce, bacon and an onion ring. I would usually get the California burger, which has guacamole and that is all you need to know about that burger. I've started to branch out though.

         Why am I telling you about our burger preferences? One I'm really in the mood for a hamburger and some fries (yum) and also there is a memory there. When I was a senior in high school I got a job at this said burger joint and while it was a pretty sweet gig it always left me smelling awful. Usually I worked after school every day except Wednesdays and I didn't do a lot of weekend working, usually! Sometimes when I ended up working a Saturday at the end of my shift I would sometimes text my mom and ask if she wanted to have dunch (Since I usually got off work at 4 but was usually starving). Most of the time she would say yes and meet me and we'd split a western burger (Since you know I started branching out and I had started to like it)
            Those were some of my very favorite kind of dates. Impromptu and with my mom. I don't know what age people are when they decide that hanging out with their mom in public isn't cool but I never reached the stage in my life and I'm totally ok with that. In fact I'm grateful that I was never embarrassed to be with my mom.

     Go hang out with your mom, ya cool kids!

Love always,
Erin

Day 11- I Can See Clearly Now

       Howdy!

               Its Friday! Woo! Time to party! Oh wait both of my roomies went home for the weekend...Soooo I guess that means its going to be a Law & Order SVU marathon kind of day! Totally kidding I promise I'm going to be slightly productive today...Maybe!

             Yesterday I talked about how you act reflects onto how your parents raised you. I think another component to look at are habits. Whatever your habits are, at least while you're with your parents, they are somehow connected to something your parents do or did. Now I'm not saying if your parent does something then you'll automatically do it, but your habits can be stemmed from the habits of your parents. For example no matter what or where we go, as long as someone from my family is going somewhere we will be late. No question about it. Growing up I was always late to school, the ladies at the attendance desk almost always had a pre-made slip for me because they were expecting me. It was that bad. It was just kind of funny how late we were and still are and from that I got a 'reputation' for being late, totally undeserved on my part. So from my parents habit of being late everywhere I grew this weird habit of always needing to be way early for class or any other type of event. If there is a time I need to be there I'm almost always there 15 minutes early. That's how I roll. I'm only saying this because today I was taken out of my element and was made late to my class this morning and it totally reminded me of back when my mom drove me everywhere.
   Totally random, you're welcome.

Memory #11

              The other day I was at my college ministry night and I was talking to this girl there who was wearing brand new glasses. I've always been jealous of people who need glasses, is that weird? I just think if you get the right pair for your face it just makes you look so put together. So of course I started to admire her glasses and then I started to tell her this story-

   

            In this memory I was in second grade and Sambo was in pre-k I believe. Anyways we were all at the doctors because Sam needed some shots or something and my mom decided to kill two birds with one stone and get my overall checkup done too. So at some point a nurse came and took me to go get my eyes checked. At that point I was extremely proud of my perfect 20/20 vision so I went and took the test in confidence. I don't remember the mindset I was in while taking the test but I don't particularly remember purposefully missing up on the test, so when the nurse told me that I had missed some letters. I do recall feeling muddled especially as she continued to say the magic words, "You might want to look into glasses." which translated in my mind as "You should get glasses!". This quickly turned into "I need glasses." 

               The next couple of weeks were definitely a trial for my poor mother. Since my mother hadn't made any noise of going immediately to the eye doctor as I had imagined and hoped for I had to come up with a way to convince her of the necessity of glasses were. So in my perplexed state I came to the perfect conclusion, I would prove to her in real life how badly I needed glasses. How did I do this exactly? It was simple and obvious. I ran into walls. Seriously that was my ultimate plan. For almost a week straight I would just randomly run into walls, especially around my mom. I kid you not. So my mom of course had to find a solution to end my nonsense. So my mom did take me to the eye doctor but I guess she had let him in on my not so well-planned scheme, because not once did he mention how great my eye sight was. He just did the eye test and handed me a pair of glasses. I thought I was soooo smart, my plan had worked! I fooled my mom and the eye doctor! 

        I wore those glasses for maybe a month tops and then quickly forgot about them. No one ever said anything about it. One day a couple years back I found my glasses and you'll never believe it...They were fake! My mom outfoxed me! What's new?

        Moral? Your mom will always be smarter than you, sorry not sorry!

Love always,

Erin 

Day 10- Indian Spirits

    Howdy!

           So I thought it was supposed to get warmer today...DEFINITELY NOT! It snowed today in College Station...WHAT! The streets and sidewalks were icy, the wind was bitter and I had the worst luck with buses ever today. Yet school continued today as if nothing was happening...why.There have been so many wrecks and its only noon. Ridiculous. In the midst of this ridiculous cold weather one thing awesome came out of it. While walking to class (45 minutes early because I'm a loser who likes to get there and study) all bundled up probably looking like a marshmallow, I noticed a older woman worker pushing a giant gray trashcan type of thing with a lot of boxes and whatnot in it. I saw her stop outside the building (where my class was)by the stairs, since she couldn't push the cart up there so she slowly started to unload back and forth from the cart to the building in this gosh awful weather. So like any humane person I walked up and asked her if she wanted help lifting the cart into the building, perhaps that's not normal because she looked really confused at first and then gladly accepted my help. We got the cart lifted up the stairs and then I held the door open for her to push the cart in.
 
      Now I'm not telling this story for you all to tell me how wonderful I am or anything, no I'm telling you this because of what she said afterwards. She thanked me profusely and asked me my name, so that she could thank me by name but what she said next was what made my heart cry out in joy. It caught me by surprise too when she said, "Your mama raised you right." I mean most people simply just thank you and part ways, but she looked much deeper into a small act of kindness. She didn't see just see the person that I was but the even greater person who raised me to be the person I am. Seriously that's awesome. People are always telling me that my mom lives through me or whatever, and I can believe it. Especially after thinking about it in that perspective. Remember that your actions, whether you like it or not, reflects somehow on how your parents raised you and I think that is one of the most fantastic things ever. Period.  Its a big honor, wear it proudly my friends.

Memory #10

          My experience this morning reminded me about my mom (well duh). No matter where we went it always seemed like she just had friends. Everywhere and in places you wouldn't always expect. When I was a freshman in high school my mom started working at her first teaching job at Winkley Elementary School as a fifth grade math teacher. For the entirety of my mom's teaching career I basically always went with her after school to help her grade papers/decorate her room/clean WHATEVER. I was basically her student teacher but not during her actual class...so I guess I was more like her faithful work monkey but hey I was cool with it. 

          Anyways Winkley was a brand spakin' new school when my mom first started teaching there and since it was her first year teaching she (and I) worked a lot of long nights there. Let me tell you something, schools at night are frightening. Like seriously terrifying. All but like some of the bathroom lights are off and usually no one was there, except some of the custodial staff. My mom used to tell me that the school had been built on an Indian burial ground and that sometimes the spirits came to haunt the school and she had even heard/seen them before. Being the super cool freshman in high school I brushed my mom off and was just like "Whatever mom". 

           

            One night, for some odd reason, it just felt way creepier than normal and I was ready to get the heck out of the school and into my own bed asap. So mom's like, "If you want to leave soon go take these down to the workroom and we can leave." So very hesitantly I take the papers and start to slowly walk down the hall and down the stairs to the workroom which was like super creepy. Did I mention that this school was creepy? BECAUSE IT WAS CREEPY! Continuing on in this story, as I'm walking I hear random noises from all around the building. But I keep pressing on. So I enter the workroom and do whatever the heck I was supposed to do in the workroom, then I walk out the door. Standing in front of the door was two people wearing masks and SCREAMING INDIAN CHANTS AT ME WHILE RUNNING AT ME. I screamed and fell to the floor just about peeing myself. Then it stopped and I realized it was my mom and one of the custodial woman that my mom had befriended while working there....SERIOUSLY. I am not even kidding. They had stolen some masks from the art room and planned this all out in less than two minutes.

            

        What the heck. I'm still bitter about it obviously. Anyways do something kind today, like your mama raised you to do. 

 Love Always,

Erin

Day 9-Once an Aggie Always an Aggie

      Howdy!

               This post is coming to you a little late so I apologize but I've had a fun filled day of having lunch with my lovely aunt (Hi!) and interviewing for a possible camp job in the summer! Oh so very exciting. Today what I want to talk about is not entirely a memory but more of like a weird foreshadowing on my life. As if my mom was preparing me for when she wouldn't be here, kind of. Yesterday my best friend's little sister was accepted to the best university on earth (so not biased) Texas A&M University! I couldn't be more proud of her and of course her family is super proud of her so they've been posting about her and what not. It kind of fills me with nostalgia. My mom wanted nothing else but to see me get accepted into Texas A&M. She looked into all of the different possible ways to get in and told me about them. The main ones were Gateway and Blinn Team. Since we knew I wouldn't be an automatically accepted we had to keep hope that I would either get late acceptance or one of those above options. I would have never known about these two options if it hadn't been for my mother. She made sure that no matter what I would have plenty of options to accomplish my dreams.

               So it almost seemed more like a back stab from A&M when I got my acceptance letter. It was literally a week after my mom had died that I got my acceptance letter. The one thing she had wanted to see and she just barely missed it. It sucks. So I was not initially happy. I remember not telling my dad or brother at first. I remember just staring at the letter for a solid 30 minutes feeling bitter and straight up anger. And on top of that it wasn't even full acceptance it was temporary acceptance through the program Gateway. The very same one my mom had wanted me to do and told me about. When I finally got over my bitterness it turned into a more joyous thing. Of course I was happy, this was my dream and I would do whatever it took to get into my school.
 
           I wouldn't have changed a thing too. At this program is where I met my two current roomies (Hi I love you Amy & Shannon like a lot a lot. Don't leave me K thanks bye). It was at Gateway where I saw firsthand God's divine plan in how my roommate, Shannon, and I magically got paired up to live together and how it all just made sense in the end (This sentence will only make sense to a few who know went down that summer!) Gateway gave me a chance to grow and accept myself and be completely and utterly vulnerable. So for that I am thankful. I am thankful that I didn't get full acceptance because I would've really missed out on some extremely awesome people I am blessed to have in my life.
     
             And in my mom's own weird style she somehow knew I would need to be made aware of Gateway. So in a sense I'd like to think that she knew that I'd make it in. I know she would've been thrilled to know that one day I will finally earn my Fighting Texas Aggie Ring and it will be made from hers.

       I couldn't have done it without you mom, but you know that already!

  Love Always,
Erin

P.s.
Sorry not sorry for all the feels in this one but this is whats on my heart today so....Enjoy it somehow please haha